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The Art of Skillful Discussion |
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I am open-minded and value your opinion – but you’re wrong.
Have you ever been asked by someone for your opinion and then when you give it they take offense and say you are wrong?
Most times when people are asking for your input they already have a conclusion in mind and are just looking for you to back it up. When asked for your opinion, you almost need to confirm, “Are you asking for my agreement or my opinion?”
Gaining the input, insights and opinions from people around you is one of the most crucial actions you can take as a leader. In most organizations, there can be a lot of talking but not a lot of understanding.
The art of the skillful discussion is about getting behind someone’s conclusion and understand how they arrived there. When you are looking at a problem, a situation, or a decision it helps to gain different perspectives. Most conversations in organizations revolve around conclusions and that decreases collaboration and trust.
The skill is answering an opinion with inquiry rather than with your opinion. You can practice using a “ladder of inference” approach to find out what is behind someone’s perspective and really understand how others look at a situation.
Most people answer your question with a conclusion – a statement of what they believe. Rather than stopping there and starting a debate (usually the case) the next step should be a question about the assumptions that the person has to back up their conclusions – what are they basing their perspectives on? Once they give you their assumptions, you can then ask about the facts that they looked at to build those assumptions – we always have some underlying perceived facts that form the basis for our assumptions. Hearing the facts as the other person perceives them can be incredibly enlightening. From there, you can talk together to make sure you have all the facts and then come back to the situation to confirm the conclusion or go a different route.
Great conversations about problem-solving, opportunity identification and decision-making work best when you approach them backwards. Start with the conclusions, uncover the assumptions, find out the perceived facts that underlie the assumptions and then explore all the facts. Then you can move forward collaboratively.
When someone gives you their opinion or asks for your perspective, don’t stop there. Work backwards and fully explore the background. You change the nature of your conversations and move to an approach of inquiry rather than one of defensiveness or confrontation.
We may not agree on our opinions but understanding how we each get there can provide innovative ideas, great perspectives and new solutions to solve problems, capture opportunities and make successful decisions. The art of skillful discussion builds team collaboration and trust for greater results.
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